Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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