You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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