some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
