i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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