I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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