where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
