i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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