Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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