So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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