Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
