Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize