she looked like the before picture.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
