Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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