Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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