you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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