if i can run in heels then i can drive
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
