i permit you to call me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
