There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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