Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
