I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
