I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
