and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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