So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
