He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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