Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
