When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
