Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
