I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize