apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
