i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
