I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
