Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
