I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
