An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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