I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
