At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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