I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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