I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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