Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
