Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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