I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
