You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
