I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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