And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize