"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Success! We fucked roommates!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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