When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
