I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
