I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
