I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
