Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
