Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
