I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
