You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
