I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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