Cold hands, warm shart.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
