I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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