I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
