I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
