i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
