Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
