I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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