Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
