the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bring me that man meat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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