i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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