It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
