Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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