the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
