Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize