No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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