He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
