my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Enjoy the penises
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize